Change vs. Shift

The theme of our annual San Diego Winter Conference this year is "SHIFT". During this mornings staff meeting, I was reminded of what this one word means. A shift is something different. It isn't just a change but something more. Dictionary.com defines a change as "to transform or convert, to transfer from one to another" whereas to shift is defined as "to put something aside and replace it with another". As I sit here with over 700+ students, my heart & prayer not only for them but even for myself is to experience Jesus shift my life to what He wants and not make changes towards what I want.

A shift in thinking. A shift in heart. A shift in purpose. A shift in the way that I view God. 

I don't want to just transfer the things I know and believe or to see them transformed in my life. I desire deep down in this next season of life to really put my life aside and replace it with something more, something that comes fully from the Lord. As 2010 winds down and the start of 2011 begins, I anticipate what the Lord is going to do in this next season! I know that there will be hard times, but with that will come amazing times.. Tears. Hurts. Fears. Healing. Joy. Freedom. Laughter. I look forward to depending on what Jesus has and finding who I am in Him and Him alone in 2011! 

Merry Christmas!!!

Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they
wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree looked up at the stars
and said: “I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled
with precious stones. I’ll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!”

The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on it’s
way to the ocean. “I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful
kings. I’ll be the strongest ship in the world!”

The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and
women worked in a busy town. “I don’t want to leave the mountain top at all. I
want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they’ll raise their
eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world.”

Years passed. The rain came, the sun shone, and the little trees grew tall.
One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain.

The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, “This tree is
beautiful. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining axe, the first
tree fell.

“Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful
treasure!” The first tree said.

The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, “This tree is
strong. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining axe, the second tree
fell.

“Now I shall sail mighty waters!” thought the second tree. “I shall be a
strong ship for mighty kings!”

The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way.
She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven.

But the woodcutter never even looked up. “Any kind of tree will do for
me.” He muttered. With a swoop of his shining axe, the third tree fell.

The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter’s
shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feedbox for animals.

The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, with treasure. She was
coated with saw dust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals.

The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no
mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead the once strong tree was
hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to
sail to an ocean, or even a river; instead she was taken to a little lake.

The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and
left her in a lumberyard.

“What happened?” the once tall tree wondered. “All I ever wanted was to
stay on the mountain top and point to God…”

Many, many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their
dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young
woman placed her newborn baby in the feedbox.

“I wish I could make a cradle for him.” her husband whispered.

The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the sturdy
wood. “This manger is beautiful.” she said.

And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the
world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing
boat. The traveler feel asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the
lake.

Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered.
She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through
with the wind and the rain.

The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said,
“Peace.” The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun.

And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the king of heaven and
earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked
from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry
jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man’s hands to her.

She felt ugly and harsh and cruel.

But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy
beneath her, the third tree knew that God’s love had changed everything. It
had made the third tree strong.

And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God.
That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

Psalm 27

"I will remain confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord" Psalm 27:13

Since my last blog entry, the Lord has definitely been showing me that He is good! In the struggles of trusting Him, He continues to provide for me and show me that He has nothing but GOOD in store for me as long as I keep striving towards Him. Here's an entry from my journal:

12.07.10
Jesus,
    Again, in the midst of a hard week, you brought your plans to me in such a real, tangible way. In my struggling to trusting you and your goodness and thinking again through the cost and worth of following Jesus, you remain constant. I've contemplated again why is it so hard to give up something that I feel like you have gifted me and even given me a passion for to something that I doubt and am unsure of. Is it worth it? My heart wrestles with if ministry and this calling is what I know is right in my heart, that I'm called to this right now in this moment, then why is it so hard? You brought me back this week to the time after counseling and the picture you painted for me. I found myself in that same place of wrestling with the hardness of life and the worth of continuing to seek you. I was reminded that in my tears, as I was desperately trying to seek you, you painted a clear and vivid picture of a mountain and on that mountain, seeing myself struggling to climb. I remember being nearly half way up and looking up, there was still a long way to go. In all the cliffs and jagged edges, I was debating what it would look like to give up and just jump off or to continue the long treacherous climb. Was it worth it? Three things I remember clearly about that picture was 1) there were boulders coming at me and I felt like every step I took towards climbing, more boulders would be falling and that was the enemy trying to knock me off the path, 2) as I looked left and right I could see an army of people in my life who were cheering me on to keep climbing, encouraging and motivating me to not give up, and 3) as I looked up, I could see the hands of Jesus reaching out for me, calling me His beloved daughter and asking me to keep climbing into His arms.
    On Monday, this picture came back into my head and again, now I was more than halfway up (after a long few years) and everything was the same except there were more boulders and cliffs BUT also there were more people on the sides of the mountains. Again, I looked up and down and up seemed really far away. The question again of is it worth continuing? After meeting with PA, talking and dreaming a little more, to hear his heart and passion for this place and college students not only renewed my heart and Spirit, but I became excited again for the first time in a long time. Finishing that meeting, I got into my car and prayed through what you wanted to say to me from that. At that exact moment, you brought me back here again BUT this time, as I envisioned reaching the top, panting and completely exhausted, struggling to get over that last cliff, I saw myself standing up, next to Jesus, being completely floored at what I saw. I looked up and out over this giant mountain and there was so much that I had not anticipated, the beauty and glory of what I never expected or imagined. But, that you knew and have always known. It gave me a greater purpose and calling to even what I am doing now and that you have know the greater picture and when I get to that place, to the top, I'll see it too! I will remain confident that I will see Your goodness!

It amazes me that God continues to WANT to show me greater things even when I feel like I'm at my worst. I know that He desires for me to be in His will and sometimes even when I don't feel like it or think I can, He shows me that it will be worth it in the end! That not only will I get there but when I do, He will show me so much more!

The Call

I'm back on the blog world after what seems to have been like a really, really long time. I've finished my latest update with my ministry newsletter so please check that out to see all that God has been doing here in Hawai'i. http://www.ministryupdates.org/jamie_lam

Aside from that, the roller coaster continues. I've been able to say that Hawai'i was finally starting to feel like "home" after the past 7 months. I've found an amazing church and 'ohana at New Hope Diamond Head and the Lord has definitely provided. I went back to California to spend Thanksgiving with family and friends and it was an amazing time of connection and celebration. I have much to be thankful for this past year!

Over that week my sister got engaged, I got to see family, spend time with my bestie and other friends that I have missed, go to Disneyland, enjoy cold weather (super cold weather), and also celebrate Thanksgiving with people I love. In all that, to be completely honest, I loved it and yet, missed things about Hawai'i and in some ways was ready to come back. I arrived on Monday and adjusted back to the warm weather and found myself needing some time with Jesus and with myself.

Tuesday ended up being a rather hard day for me... I was speaking on prayer at our weekly KCC group and so I know there was a definite sense of the enemy trying to bring me away from sharing God's word but it was just also one of those days. After my day on campus, I came home and wanted to process where I'm at. I realized that I find myself in this place of not knowing really where I belong. California no longer is my home -- there are things I miss and love, my family and friends, the ins and outs of knowing people and being known, and just the comfortability of life BUT coming back, I realized too that Hawai'i is also not yet my "home". I'm still figuring it all out... building community, understanding ministry and my job, my calling to be here, etc. I fell back into the thoughts of why is it so hard and really what would it look like to just go back to what is easy?

Satan is soooo real and I know that he is looking to steal, kill, and destroy. But as I was reading this in John, the victory is in Jesus and He has come so that I may not just have life, but have it to the FULL. Yet, I still sit and question the goodness of God. Why? The reality is that there is an enemy and he knows exactly the doubts and fears I have and he goes right to them. I find that my biggest struggle is often with myself and I constantly need to pray through the lies of is God really good or am I worth it and do I matter to others, but more importantly to Him -- to experience His goodness?

It's hard. I need to be okay with that. I need to accept that. Ultimately, I need to hold on to the promises of God even when they seem so far away. As I got to process through this with Amanda, an amazing sister from church, I realized that hardships come and because of that, they stretch me in my faith and trust. I know that I don't have it as hard as others do, that the sacrifice I make is sooooo insignificant, BUT I also need to wrestle through these things.

Driving home tonight, I decided to pull up some older music I had and came across The Call by Anointed. Sometimes, I don't know if I can do this and it seems like there's an easier way, yet, I know that what I am doing means laying down my all for the sake of the call.

Wow -- this was really, really long which means if I blog more often, maybe they'd be shorter. :) In any case, I feel like this next season really means trusting in the goodness of God and sometimes that is hard. Psalm 27:13 says "I will remain confident in this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." I pray that this would be true for me in this next season of my life as I am desiring to grow and to be used by Him even when sometimes it's hard to believe that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsZ4v31vovo

Too long....

I'm here and doing well! I want to update soon but wanted to just quickly say that things are going well and He is good and His love endures forever!!! <3 you all!!!

Here in This Moment

So here I am ready to have all of you
So here I am waiting for you and…

Nothing can change the way I feel when I’m with you
You give me a peace that surpasses all understanding
And no one can tell me there's a better place than with you
You give love everlasting

Oh, here You come
With Your arms open wide
Oh, cause You are the one
Who fulfills all my desires

You are love, You are life
You're the air that I breathe
You're my day and my night
You’re my joy, You’re my peace
You're the wings for my flight
And vision to my sight.
You are truth, You are power
You gave me faith to believe
Brought me straight to my knees
Now I'm standing
Here in this moment, with You
There's nowhere I'd rather be

There's only one who can truly satisfy me
Only you can give me everything that I need
And as high as the heavens are above the earth
You’ve shown me your love so unconditionally

Oh, here You come
With Your arms open wide
Oh cause You are the one
Who can fill me with this fire

There's nothing that I can do without You
I know life only because of Your love
I just can't breathe without You
I'm so crazy about You
And I know love only because of Your life
Oh You overwhelm me with Your love.
Oh You overwhelm me, You overwhelm me!

I've listened to this song a numerous amount of times today since after hearing it at church this morning. Pastor Fernando talked this morning about dissatisfaction and how the world we live in tells us that "if I just had a little bit more, I'd be happier" and that sometimes how we live reveals what we believe ... that what Christ offers is not as good as what this world offers. He then shared how God's heart breaks when I don't find Him to be enough in my life... when really when I think about it, what God offers is not only enough but more than enough. As I listen to this song, my eyes fill up with tears as I think about how I look to everything else but Him when really the only thing I need to realize is how MUCH the Lord loves ME and simply wants me! He is here with arms open wide and the ONLY one who can fulfill all my desires... He IS love and life and still yet, I look to find fulfillment from other things. To sit and think about this brings me to my knees and leaves me overwhelmed...

The past couple weeks have been really draining emotionally and spiritually. I feel like

I'm running on empty. We, as staff, have been trying to figure out what an authentic community of ALOHA looks like within the movement here and just really feeling the reality of the enemy at work. As we've been working hard and trying to balance life, I've realized that my focus has not been on the Lord but more with being preoccupied with the "stuff to do"... I've felt disconnected with Him and am desperately looking to feel and see Him again. He is good and I know that and I just need to let Him fill me.

I don't write these things to worry you or to be discouraged because the Lord IS good and He is doing great things! He is moving in this place and a praise is that our 7th team member, Gen is actually coming Thursday, just in time for our Fall Getaway!!! :o) But the reality is that there is an enemy and as I share my heart, I honestly desire to seek the Lord and know that His heart is to be first in my life and in all of ours. 

Also, please pray as this is from an email one of our staff had sent out asking for prayer this past week. We have felt discouraged, people have questioned if they should stay on the leadership team, I have personally felt very overwhelmed and just a sense of general anxiety that has been hard to pinpoint. All that to say…we really need you to pray right now. Pray against the strongholds of the enemy. One HUGE stronghold here is the lack of community on this campus. Aloha is a very specific word with many meanings depending on the context, but its most common use other than a greeting or salutation is LOVE. The enemy does not want God’s LOVE to penetrate hearts. He does not want a community of Love to rise on our campuses so please pray that God’s 'Ohana of Aloha would begin to come into fruition. Thank you.


In all of this I've felt like I've needed to just really focus on my time seeking the Lord and to seek fulfillment from Him and Him alone... so please don't be offended if I disappear for a little while. I will continue to blog as I can to keep things updated. Please pray for this weekend as well as we will be heading out to the North Shore for our annual Fall Getaway with over 40 students signed up right now. Pray that our building of community would start to really happen this weekend and that our students would feel connected and feel the love of Jesus. Our theme is The Inside Out Kingdom and God's heart to heal the broken to reach the broken. 

Listen to this song... :o) I pray that it will speak straight to your hearts and that you are reminded that God's love is sooooo unconditional. I know He loves me and desires me to  be here in this moment with Him. <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdXnG4aU-Is

Everlasting God

The Lord is my light and salvation
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I be afraid?
I will wait for you.

I will remain confident in this, I will see the goodness of the Lord.

We set our hope on you.
We set our hope on your love.
We set our hope on the one.
Who is the everlasting God.


Click on the link below to hear this song and I pray that it will encourage you as it has me. I reminded that in the midst of hard times, discouragement, and uncertainties, that I have nothing to fear! That I can set my hope on Him, His love and that ultimately, I will remain confident in the fact that I will see His goodness!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyMl1zCbprc&feature=related

"WAIT EXPECTANTLY"

It was our first time at KCC (Kapi'olani Community College) this summer and as we anticipated a crowded campus, when we walked on we could count the number of students we saw. It was almost like a ghost town. Disappointed, we decided to split our group of 13 up and walk the campus, decode, pray, and meet whatever students we could find roaming campus that day. Our first day on campus, Pang, Joseph, and I decided to walk around and engage with whoever we could find, as we got to know each other as well. Being on a campus that really isn't that big, we saw many of our other teammates roaming around just like us. As we walked around the entire campus in really what seemed like 30 minutes and being able to maybe engage in 3 conversations, disappointment only scratches the surface of what we were feeling.

Pang, Joseph, and I decided to take a step back and as we walked and sat in the big grassy area in the middle of campus, we started to pray and to really just try and hear what the Lord wanted for this campus through us this summer. As I was sitting in this little circle, scanning the handful of students on campus and even our own team walk around and try to engage, I began to just really ask the Lord to speak to me. Rarely do I ever feel like God really talks to me or gives me pictures (until more recently as I've begun to really trust and ask Him for these things) but, that moment, I audibly heard the voice of the Lord tell me these two words:

WAIT EXPECTANTLY

I began to sit and really pray through that phrase and what it meant for me and for us at that exact moment and what I realized was that God was asking us to wait... to be patient with His timing for KCC and the people there. That although we wanted to walk onto a campus full of students eager to hear about Jesus, it wasn't the time. The Lord was asking us to trust Him and to continue to have patience during this summer. He was also saying to me to not just wait and to be patient but to do it expectantly. To be expectant that He will do GREAT things! His dreams are bigger than ours, His plans are greater than ours, and His purpose is higher than ours. We need to wait, but wait with great expectations that He will fulfill His perfect plan!

Me at KCC

Our summer KCC team:
Grace, Joseph, Brendan, Daniel
Jasmin, Alex, Cassie, Melody, Pang, Chris

Grassy area where we play, meet, & pray

At the end of that summer, once staff left, the KCC team got to see the Lord work in amazing ways!!! Their own hearts grew for the gospel and the urgency to tell people about Jesus! They grew in their confidence of sharing the gospel and as they learned to wait expectantly, they met people of peace, students who were ready to hear, and some who made decisions for Christ, some who were really interested in hearing about Crusade, and ultimately what it means to really depend on the Lord. :)

AWESOMENESS! So, as we started campus this week at UH, I've been reminded of these two powerful words and am once again excited for all that the Lord is going to do - not only at UH, but, also as I get to continue the ministry at KCC this year! Please pray that I would be daily reminded to wait expectantly and that I would decrease, so that He may increase!

Love you all!!!!! 

LOVE

Wow... where to start. I'm back after a week or so of not keeping up with this blog and I feel like so much has happened. Debriefing with our team went really well and it was a great way to close out the summer. Sunday the 8th was our official end date of project and I shuttled 4 trips to the Honolulu Airport throughout the duration of the day. It was an emotional day and as I was saying bye to groups of students leaving, the reality that summer was ending finally hit. I got really sad and every trip to the airport only got harder. That afternoon, before the last trip to the airport, a bunch of the students who were staying longer came over to my house and we fit about 15 or so of us. It was definitely crowded but so much fun to be together even post project! The last trip was definitely one of the hardest especially as I had to say goodbye to one of our students Elbert from George Mason! This summer he unofficially became my "son" and I his "mother." I have seen him grow and take steps of faith and his desire to really follow after Jesus. The reality that he and I are probably the furthest away made saying bye even harder but I know that I'll see him at West Coast EPIC Conference... right "son"? :)

Me and my "son" LB

That night, a group of them stayed over night and we slept like sardines but again, it was super fun! It was just an amazing time of hanging out and spending time together after project! Here's a run down of the week:
   Monday - Daniel & Rebecca (UCI) left in the morning and then I came back and spent the rest of the morning just resting. We then went to lunch at Costco and then made another airport run for Addy (UCI). Came back and then had dinner at Rainbow Drive Inn and then made the last airport run with Kentaro & Aaron (UCI).
   Tuesday - Headed out to North Shore with some of the USC students. ATE way too much (Foodland, Giovanni's Shrimp truck, Ted's Bakery) and then went to the beach for a little bit to see the turtles! It was an awesome time to just hang out and again rest and relax! That night, had dinner at Phuket Thai for Sarah's birthday and then airport run one more time for Grace & Annalynn (SLO) :( Then we went to watch Inception and then headed home.
   Wednesday - We headed out to Makapu'u Tide Pools and we hiked up a mountain and then down a bunch of rocks to get to the tide pools! It was super fun and for me, an amazing place to be as I got to just sit and watch the waves. I was in awe of the beauty and yet, the strength and power of the waves and simply reminded of God's majesty! He is definitely an awesome God and His creation is such a reminder of who He is! After that, we came back and got ready to make one more airport run. Cassie (Santa Barbara CC), who was a part of my discipleship group this summer was leaving and again, just a hard time of having to say goodbye again. She has been such a blessing this summer and continually amazes me in her maturity and love for people and Jesus!!! I was sad to say bye but have so much hope for her and know that we will stay in touch! At this point, most of the team has left BUT I got to spend a few more days with Chris and Mel!

Sitting in the midst of God's creation

Cassie and I <3

   Thursday - During the day, I have no recollection of what we did & it's going to bother me! :( But, we went to hang out with Jazmine again from KCC at Coffee Talk that evening. There was an open mic night there so decided to go and hang out with her and watch her. It was definitely just chill and a good relaxing time!
   Friday - We woke up late and then headed out to Shark's Cove to go snorkeling! It was super fun and we swam out pretty far. Lots of fish and definitely an adventure... Rule of thumb: When snokeling, make sure to follow the BUDDY SYSTEM (right Chris? =]) Fun story -- as we swam out to look for Chris, we couldn't find her. We decided to swim back to see if she went back to shore and as I was swimming back, in the whole entirety of the big, blue ocean, what do I happen to find: Chris' chapstick (yes, chapstick while swimming)!!! It was pretty amazing! Afterwards, we just headed back and then ended up going to the Spitting Caves to star gaze! Again, was reminded of how big God is and yet, He is so intimate! It was beautiful seeing stars fall and just being able to lie out underneath the stars! We ended staying up til 6am talking, hanging out, and of course, watching Hanson videos!!! :)
   Saturday - Swapmeet with Chris and then ran some errands and headed back to the house. We got ready and headed out to Ke'iki Beach (secret beach) and met some of the USC peeps there to watch the sunset. Afterwards, was supposed to head out to the long awaited Veggie Fest in Chinatown but Chris and I couldn't find it. =( We did what we could with that night and it ended up being really fun - drove up and down a road for buses only 4 times (not knowing it was only for buses), took some video footage, headed out to Waikiki to "people" watch, and then just headed home to hang out. All to say, it was an unforgettable evening!!!
   Sunday - Went to church at One Love!!! :) Afterwards, headed over to Cherisse's house to meet up with her and some friends. We headed out to Chinaman's Hat and swam out to the island and then hiked all the way to the tip of the hat! It was super fun and probably one of the BEST things I've done since being in Hawaii all these years! We swam around to the back side and found a little beach and a small cave which we named "Mermaid's Cove"! Then we swam all the way back and headed home to get ready. Chris and I spent our last night together going down to Waikiki! We had dinner at Cheesecake Factory and just hung out and spent some good quality time together!!! 

Amazing Day @ Chinaman's Hat

secret cave we call "Mermaid's Cove"

   Today - Chris' flight was this afternoon... :( We ran some last minute errands and then headed out to the airport... it was definitely one of the hardest goodbyes ever after having spent so much time with one of my best friends this summer, it was again an emotionally draining goodbye. I came home and just reflected on what this summer has meant and having to say goodbye to so many people. I came home just really sad and decided to try and take a nap UNTIL I got a text message that said "I missed my flight. The next one isn't until 9:30 and it's standby :(" I felt really, really bad but went back to the airport to pick her back up and got to spend an extra 6 hours with Chris! Cheee! :) We ran some more errands and then took a drive out to Hanauma, Blowhole, Sandys, and Waimanalo - took some more pictures and then came home to hang out. We stopped by the dog park for Mochi on the way out and then headed out to the airport again. I was definitely sad to have to say goodbye again BUT it was such a needed BLESSING to get the extra time together and to just reflect and be encouraged! I miss her a lot already and to just see how my summer has been so impacted by her being here but more how my life has been changed by the experiences and growth in our friendship through being together this summer! 


So... that's the scoop! As for the title of this blog entry... one thing I am walking away with this summer is LOVE - what it means to BE LOVED and to let people in to do that. Even as I am reading TruFaced right now for our staff, I am reminded that "needs give us the capacity to be loved and to feel loved" (not a weakness) AND "in God's world, receiving love comes before giving love." It took people who truly love me to speak truth into my life and to be able to bless me! I am overwhelmed by this little word, yet the immense meaning it has and still I am in this process of learning how to receive love openly but in that, I am reminded of what the Bible says:

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." ~ I Corinthians 13:4-7

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." ~ I John 4:18

I am thankful.

Please pray for this week as we start our staff meetings for Cru! I am super excited to do what I do and again reminded tonight of the blessing it is to share Jesus with people who don't know him each and everyday. To help them experience the fullness and LOVE of Jesus!

Pause

Wow... it has been a while since my last blog entry and I am kinda sad about it. All I can say is there is much to write about from the past few days. I feel like I need a few hours to do it. So... I will do it soon!

Daily Reminder of the Gospel

Today started the first full day of our EPIC Hawai'i Summer Project Debrief and I think overall it went really well! This is my first debrief ever and it has been such a blessing to not only be a part of it but to get to help lead some of the times. It has been such a great day of processing and really celebrating what the Lord has done this summer here in Hawai'i. We started this morning off with Margaret leading a time of devotions and why we need to debrief after summer project. Some key points she highlighted was that right now, everyone is coming from a different perspective of finishing project and that the next 72 hours will be crucial to finishing off the project well. We looked at Luke 10 and when Jesus sent out the seventy-two, the mission wasn't complete after they were sent out. They went back and processed with Jesus and the power of the gospel was there. The only thing wasn't to just do the work of the Kingdom but rejoicing with what happened. They were blessed and celebrated together. Then she gave them time to slow down and really start the processing part of breaking down this summer and really looking at all that the Lord had done through this project both personally and in ministry.

After an hour or so, we gathered back together and Tommy Dyo, our national EPIC director, came and shared on Luke 9:57 which hit home for me in so many ways especially with my past blog entry. Some key points for me during this time was the whole idea of following Jesus with the cost. He said often times we have great lame excuses not to follow Jesus and that we are ministers of the gospel. "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men!" Mark 1:17 and I was just reminded again of the power of the gospel and how that is enough reason to follow Jesus no matter the cost.

We then had a lunch break and then started our time of reflection. This time was AMAZING for me!!! It was a blessing to lead this time with Margaret! We started just by splitting the students into their campus teams (Univ. of Hawai'i, Hawai'i Pacific University, and Kapi'olani Community College) and gave them each butcher paper to really just celebrate what the Lord had done on their campuses, both good and hard, in writing and pictures. After about 20 minutes or so, each team reported to the group all the things that the saw come from their laboring this summer. I can't tell you that as I heard the groups share, tears came to my eyes because it was soooo apparent the steps of faith each and everyone took to really reach the people and place of Hawai'i. Each campus was coming with different things to celebrate and even different places of ministry but my heart was so touched by the many lives that were changed throughout this summer! Praise Jesus!!!

I then got to lead them in an activity - the elementary school teacher in me came out -but as we were in this moment of celebration and ending well, we really wanted each person to go back not forgetting all that had happened this summer. I shared how there were so many different things happening on each of these campuses (UH really pouring into our current students, HPU launching a bible study, KCC seeing people make decisions for Christ) and yet, our focus for this summer was THE GOSPEL! We reflected back on our purpose of being here and really to bring the message of salvation to this place. That even for us as believers, it is necessary to daily remind ourselves of the gospel message and the role it plays in our own lives. We wanted to give them a daily reminder of what it means to be a minister of the gospel as Tommy had shared earlier and even as they go back to their respective campuses and homes, our calling still stands. So, we engaged in a little activity and each person made salvation bracelets to not only be reminded of what the Lord has done in and through them, but, also to be reminded of what was done for us!

Finally, we moved into a time of just finishing well. We got to engage them in a time of discussing the strengths of their team, areas of regrets, how it was being a cross-cultural team, conflict, and just anything else they felt like they might need to share with the group before leaving. It was good to hear the encouragement but even the hardships of the past few weeks. Overall, it was really a solid time of truth and grace and affirmation for what God has done through each and every single person on this team.

So it is A LOT... I felt like it was a really, really long but good and productive day! I got to end the night by picking up Chris to meet another local KCC student, Jazmine. We picked her up and took her to Menchies for some yogurt and just got to meet her face to face and start building a friendship. It was a quick trip but at least got to hear a little bit about her and her interest in coming to a bible study. Continue to pray for a relationship to build and her desire to be in community with other believers, and the possibility of really jumping on board with helping us reach the KCC campus through bible study.

It's super late and I am taking our first student, Lue, to the airport in a few hours... 5am! :( He is the first student leaving project so please pray for safe travels as well as his transition back home. Sorry for the lack of reading over tonight's entry but it is time for bed! I just put in some of the celebrations from today! Enjoy!!!

UH Team - Amanda, Bethany, Lisa, Annalynn, Nicky, Rebecca, Elbert, Chris, Lue, Howard

Celebrated good connection with our 5 current UH students, outreach opportunities on campus, conflict resolution bringing them closer as a team, vision casting, main meetings, team member experiencing freedom through team, planting seeds

HPU Team - Kenny, Jessica, Sarah, Camille, Kentaro, Joel, TouMee, Tiffany, Addy, Aaron

Celebrated four new people interested in movement launching, being able to table, dealing with spiritual warfare and being able to pray through that, bible study launched Fridays, developing a heart for this place, harvest is here at HPU and there is a need for laborers

KCC Team - Pang, Melody, Cassie, Grace, Jasmin, Brendan, Alex, Chris, Joseph, Daniel

Celebrated a student saying "Now I have a God", seeing people come to Christ, 2 hour praise/prayer time, outreaches that failed but others that didn't, campus was spiritually dry and lots of rejection, waiting expectantly, solid local student connections and building relationships, fishers of men

   Salvation Bracelets:

   Black - our sin

   Red - blood of Jesus 

   White - forgiveness of sins, cleansed

   Blue - Holy Spirit

   Green - life and spiritual growth

   Yellow - gates of Heaven

Debriefing Starts...

Not much to blog today but it was a really, really, great day! Got to wake up a little later and then headed to the airport to pick up Margaret, who is on staff with our national EPIC team, and is here to help with the debrief portion of our summer project. It was soooo great to see her and to get some time with her! We then met up with Whitney and Mary for lunch at the one and only Pietro's. Yum Yum! Afterwards, headed back to the house and just hung out, talked some more, and started to look over and plan some of our debrief time. Realizing how important this time will be for our students as they start finishing up this summer and head back to their respective campuses and home. Praying that it will be a really good time of processing for each of them and to really celebrate and reflect the ways that they have seen this summer change their lives & what they are taking back - both in the good ways and even the harder ways. During that time, Chris called and shared that today at KCC (one of their last campus times), their team was able to engage in a few spiritual conversations as well as see a few people make decisions for God!!! :) It was awesome!!! After that, headed out and went back to the airport to pick up Brent!!! It was so fun to see him again after spending the whole summer with him and in his tiredness and deliriousness, we went to Zippy's to grab dinner and planned a little bit more. Then headed straight over to meet with the student project directors, Bandy (Chris), Pang, and Melody, to hear how the summer has been for them as well as what will be happening in the next few days. It was just an encouraging time to hear how the past couple weeks have been going and to see them work together was just fun and encouraging! They are a great group of leaders and have worked really hard! I think for me the neatest thing was to hear them step out of a place of just trying to figure out logistics and details for the team, which were important, but to really focus on prayer and God first - and when this happened, everything else just fell into place. To know that they led the rest of this summer with God as their #1, taking themselves out of these roles and really seeing the Lord's hand in it, was just encouraging and exciting to hear! I am looking forward to these next few days and just really closing out this summer well, especially for these students! They have poured so much of themselves into this summer and have given me excitement for this next school year! Praise God!

Melody, Chris, Pang
(student project directors)

My First Love

Reminded today of how often I fail in my relationship with Christ and in my sin, yet, He still loves me and pursues after my heart! I got to spend the day cleaning my house, relaxing a little bit, and just resting which was much needed! Throughout the afternoon, as I spent my quiet time with Jesus, I was reminded of how much I am loved. That in my sin, I feel so unworthy of even praying and asking God for things - the question of why would He want to  listen to someone who constantly chooses the world and flesh over what's right. My heart was convicted that it doesn't matter, that God does listen and He gives me so much grace that I don't deserve any of it. That all He wants is for me to be reminded of the sacrifice that He has shown me on the cross, all out of love -- to be reminded of that and to know that in my darkest moments He loves me with an unconditional love, that He is my first love. Tonight, I am grateful that I am forgiven and the price was paid when He chose to pay for my sins with His life on the cross.

"The essential tasks of life are to set our loves in order"

Tonight, at the last weekly meeting of this summer, I was blown away by everything that  happened. First, Chris got to share her testimony of God's faithfulness and love in her life. Being able to see her step up and out of faith to share her story of redemption with 40ish students was amazing. It has been such a blessing to see her story touch the lives of many around her this summer. I can never hear enough times the unique story that God has known and I am eternally grateful that He has never given up on her and because of that, our stories have intersected. Then, Pang (one of our student project directors) gave a short talk on the book of Ruth and in her own spunky, amazing way explained Ruth's story in a way that was easy to follow, yet spoke much again about the way that God loves His people. As I was able to listen to her share, I am at a lost for words for this girl's heart and maturity! I am so blessed to have gotten to know Pang and I smile because I have seen her grow and really build confidence in herself since the first time we met this summer. I am so excited for her ministry back at home and am excited to see her take the steps of faith to launching an EPIC movement on campus! She has impacted this project in so many amazing ways and I thank God for her! Lastly, some of our Kapi'olani Community College (KCC) group met a group of really cool local students (Jon Jon, Roger, Maimiti, Nadine, Jodie, and Brittany) and have been investing a lot of time into them. They have been able to build relationships with them and because of that I've had the privilege to meet them and hang out with them. We've been really praying for them, especially as my heart is to launch a bible study and movement at KCC this Fall with the potential that some of these students could be key leaders. They have been hanging out with the KCC team throughout the summer and tonight, most of their group came out again and it was short but sweet to get into some good conversations with them. I am looking forward to more times with them and continue praying that they would really know and understand God's heart for them. That they would really want to commit to being part of our movement and really align themselves with our heart for this place! I am excited to see what this Fall holds especially with this group of students!!! 

             Chris                    Pang

Maimiti, Roger, Jon Jon, Chris, Jodie, Brittany, Sarah
Nadine (KCC Group)

Is it worth it to follow Jesus even when it costs a lot?

Day 3. I'm on a roll as I sit here munching on my chocolate covered Acai berries from Costco. Yummy! :) Started the day off dropping Mochi off, helping some of the guys pick up stuff for their creative date and then before heading to the beach, spent some awesome one on one time with one of the project students. It was a great start to the day especially just being able to really connect with Daniel and to hear his highlights from project and what God has been teaching him. I am continually amazed at the man he is and his desire to grow and be more like Christ and all that he will be bringing back with him to UCI. After a short time, we headed back to the dorms to pick up the rest of the students for their last "free day" of project and we decided to head out to Nanakuli. It was an awesome time to just relax and enjoy each other in God's beauty! I even got some time in the Word and in my journal and am constantly amazed at how God knows exactly what I need when.

So as I stated reading, I landed in Psalms and the question posed above is what I have written in my Bible at the beginning of Psalms 1... I have no recollection of why or what sermon I just walked away with that prompted me to write that, but it's a question I often find myself facing, especially the past few days. As I've been able to process and really reflect, I've found myself beginning to face that question in the deepest parts of my soul once again... my flesh and humanness still causes me to feel uncertain at times. But as I've come to the point of being still before the Lord and soaking in the Word, I've concluded once again that the answer to that question is simply yes.

I was reading through Psalms 1 today and was reminded of the joy that I have in following Jesus especially when it costs a lot. I was first reminded of what "a lot" means... is "a lot" in my terms in anyway comparable to the cost that was paid for me? Immediately, my heart was refocused on the cross and the cost that was paid for me. I continued to reflect in this passage and was in awe of the words written by the Psalmists. That "blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers... For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous." How good it is to follow Him and to know that I am blessed! To know that in my weakness and uncertainties, the Lord is good and He will still use me to bear fruit and not let me wither away as I follow Him even when it feels like the costs are too high. That the things that come out of it will come to the fulfillment of Jesus in the end!

Again, the answer is simply yes - it is worth it to follow Jesus with my all.

So, in my love for songs and worship music, these are the words I end with tonight.

Here am I, all of me
Take my life, it's all for thee

                            

"The stronger the winds... the deeper the roots, and the longer the winds... the more beautiful the tree"

Day 2

So here I am again... day 2 of official blogging - I'm not sure what to think but I was actually a little excited to just write today! I had church this morning it was a little sad that this is the last Sunday our students will be here for EPIC project and next week, most of them will be on a plane back home. I am and have been so blessed by each and everyone of them and to see them learn and grow this summer has been unforgettable.

One high for my Sundays the past month or so has been able to spend a few hours with one of my best friends, Chris. It's been good to hear how project has been going for her and to just see how the Lord has been working in and through her and the team. I know that there have been frustrating and difficult times, but to hear stories of meeting random people, getting into spiritual conversations, and being able to share the gospel and see people come to know Jesus reminds me of the life that we are called to live. Hearing about their outreach at Ward Warehouse and weekly interactions on campus with people they are meeting was a needed reminder for me of why I am here and what God has called me here to do. Especially being off project now, I so value our times together and time to connect and catch up, share and just be real with where we're at.

As I've processed through moving to Hawaii, I didn't anticipate how alone I would feel and definitely having this community this summer with one of my best friends being a part of that has definitely been a blessing! There have been times of doubt and uncertainty with being here, and going into a time of having to say goodbye to familiar faces and people whom I've spent every minute of everyday for 4 weeks doesn't excite me much. To be honest, there are times lately when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing out here and sometimes it would just be easier to go back to what is normal, comfortable, and enjoyable BUT I know that this is where the Lord wants me. As I spent time praying, reading, and journaling today, I was reminded of these simple lyrics:

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

I know that although the familiarity of faces will soon be leaving, no matter where and what season I am in, I have a Father who knows me and is worthy of my worship and life. I trust whole-heartedly that this is where He has called me to be at this time and that all I can do is be obedient to that calling even when it gets hard. I know that He will provide and take care of me and no matter where I am, He is still God. I realize too that through this past month, as my friendships have strengthened, they will continue and grow even more deeply, just from different places. 

Chris, thank you for taking steps of faith to be here in Hawaii this summer. I love seeing your heart for people who don't know Jesus and the steps of faith you have taken in ministry but even stepping out in your own life. You have blessed me beyond anything I can write on a blog. Your friendship has helped me grow so much and has encouraged me to continue pursuing God with 110% of who I am. Thank you for accepting me with my faults and loving me unconditionally and for truly being one of my best friends! Your words of affirmation and encouragement speak so much to me and I know that even in the next 2 short weeks we have here on the island, our time will be unforgettable! I love you and am blessed to call you sister! 

EPIC PROJECT 2010

Blogging...?

So I have officially decided to try and start this blogging business... I'm not sure how this all works or if this post will even post onto my new "blog wall" (is that what it's called?) BUT I'm going to give it a shot anyway. I realized that there is so much going on and I definitely would LOVE to keep everyone posted of the ins and outs of life! I know I have much to catch up on especially coming from this summer so I will start there as soon as I get some time to really reflect, sit, and write! For now... we'll see if this works and thank you for being a part of my life and taking interest in this. My heart and hope is that these posts will really encourage you and that each and every entry would reflect the goodness and grace of God!