Friday, December 31, 2010

Change vs. Shift

The theme of our annual San Diego Winter Conference this year is "SHIFT". During this mornings staff meeting, I was reminded of what this one word means. A shift is something different. It isn't just a change but something more. Dictionary.com defines a change as "to transform or convert, to transfer from one to another" whereas to shift is defined as "to put something aside and replace it with another". As I sit here with over 700+ students, my heart & prayer not only for them but even for myself is to experience Jesus shift my life to what He wants and not make changes towards what I want.

A shift in thinking. A shift in heart. A shift in purpose. A shift in the way that I view God. 

I don't want to just transfer the things I know and believe or to see them transformed in my life. I desire deep down in this next season of life to really put my life aside and replace it with something more, something that comes fully from the Lord. As 2010 winds down and the start of 2011 begins, I anticipate what the Lord is going to do in this next season! I know that there will be hard times, but with that will come amazing times.. Tears. Hurts. Fears. Healing. Joy. Freedom. Laughter. I look forward to depending on what Jesus has and finding who I am in Him and Him alone in 2011! 





Sunday, December 26, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!


Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they
wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree looked up at the stars
and said: “I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled
with precious stones. I’ll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!”
The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on it’s
way to the ocean. “I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful
kings. I’ll be the strongest ship in the world!”
The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and
women worked in a busy town. “I don’t want to leave the mountain top at all. I
want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they’ll raise their
eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world.”
Years passed. The rain came, the sun shone, and the little trees grew tall.
One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain.
The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, “This tree is
beautiful. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining axe, the first
tree fell.
“Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful
treasure!” The first tree said.
The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, “This tree is
strong. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining axe, the second tree
fell.
“Now I shall sail mighty waters!” thought the second tree. “I shall be a
strong ship for mighty kings!”
The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way.
She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven.
But the woodcutter never even looked up. “Any kind of tree will do for
me.” He muttered. With a swoop of his shining axe, the third tree fell.
The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter’s
shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feedbox for animals.
The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, with treasure. She was
coated with saw dust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals.
The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no
mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead the once strong tree was
hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to
sail to an ocean, or even a river; instead she was taken to a little lake.
The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and
left her in a lumberyard.
“What happened?” the once tall tree wondered. “All I ever wanted was to
stay on the mountain top and point to God…”
Many, many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their
dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young
woman placed her newborn baby in the feedbox.
“I wish I could make a cradle for him.” her husband whispered.
The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the sturdy
wood. “This manger is beautiful.” she said.
And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the
world.
One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing
boat. The traveler feel asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the
lake.
Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered.
She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through
with the wind and the rain.
The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said,
“Peace.” The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun.
And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the king of heaven and
earth.
One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked
from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry
jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man’s hands to her.
She felt ugly and harsh and cruel.
But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy
beneath her, the third tree knew that God’s love had changed everything. It
had made the third tree strong.
And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God.
That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Psalm 27

"I will remain confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord" Psalm 27:13

Since my last blog entry, the Lord has definitely been showing me that He is good! In the struggles of trusting Him, He continues to provide for me and show me that He has nothing but GOOD in store for me as long as I keep striving towards Him. Here's an entry from my journal:

12.07.10
Jesus,
    Again, in the midst of a hard week, you brought your plans to me in such a real, tangible way. In my struggling to trusting you and your goodness and thinking again through the cost and worth of following Jesus, you remain constant. I've contemplated again why is it so hard to give up something that I feel like you have gifted me and even given me a passion for to something that I doubt and am unsure of. Is it worth it? My heart wrestles with if ministry and this calling is what I know is right in my heart, that I'm called to this right now in this moment, then why is it so hard? You brought me back this week to the time after counseling and the picture you painted for me. I found myself in that same place of wrestling with the hardness of life and the worth of continuing to seek you. I was reminded that in my tears, as I was desperately trying to seek you, you painted a clear and vivid picture of a mountain and on that mountain, seeing myself struggling to climb. I remember being nearly half way up and looking up, there was still a long way to go. In all the cliffs and jagged edges, I was debating what it would look like to give up and just jump off or to continue the long treacherous climb. Was it worth it? Three things I remember clearly about that picture was 1) there were boulders coming at me and I felt like every step I took towards climbing, more boulders would be falling and that was the enemy trying to knock me off the path, 2) as I looked left and right I could see an army of people in my life who were cheering me on to keep climbing, encouraging and motivating me to not give up, and 3) as I looked up, I could see the hands of Jesus reaching out for me, calling me His beloved daughter and asking me to keep climbing into His arms.
    On Monday, this picture came back into my head and again, now I was more than halfway up (after a long few years) and everything was the same except there were more boulders and cliffs BUT also there were more people on the sides of the mountains. Again, I looked up and down and up seemed really far away. The question again of is it worth continuing? After meeting with PA, talking and dreaming a little more, to hear his heart and passion for this place and college students not only renewed my heart and Spirit, but I became excited again for the first time in a long time. Finishing that meeting, I got into my car and prayed through what you wanted to say to me from that. At that exact moment, you brought me back here again BUT this time, as I envisioned reaching the top, panting and completely exhausted, struggling to get over that last cliff, I saw myself standing up, next to Jesus, being completely floored at what I saw. I looked up and out over this giant mountain and there was so much that I had not anticipated, the beauty and glory of what I never expected or imagined. But, that you knew and have always known. It gave me a greater purpose and calling to even what I am doing now and that you have know the greater picture and when I get to that place, to the top, I'll see it too! I will remain confident that I will see Your goodness!

It amazes me that God continues to WANT to show me greater things even when I feel like I'm at my worst. I know that He desires for me to be in His will and sometimes even when I don't feel like it or think I can, He shows me that it will be worth it in the end! That not only will I get there but when I do, He will show me so much more!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Call

I'm back on the blog world after what seems to have been like a really, really long time. I've finished my latest update with my ministry newsletter so please check that out to see all that God has been doing here in Hawai'i. http://www.ministryupdates.org/jamie_lam

Aside from that, the roller coaster continues. I've been able to say that Hawai'i was finally starting to feel like "home" after the past 7 months. I've found an amazing church and 'ohana at New Hope Diamond Head and the Lord has definitely provided. I went back to California to spend Thanksgiving with family and friends and it was an amazing time of connection and celebration. I have much to be thankful for this past year!

Over that week my sister got engaged, I got to see family, spend time with my bestie and other friends that I have missed, go to Disneyland, enjoy cold weather (super cold weather), and also celebrate Thanksgiving with people I love. In all that, to be completely honest, I loved it and yet, missed things about Hawai'i and in some ways was ready to come back. I arrived on Monday and adjusted back to the warm weather and found myself needing some time with Jesus and with myself.

Tuesday ended up being a rather hard day for me... I was speaking on prayer at our weekly KCC group and so I know there was a definite sense of the enemy trying to bring me away from sharing God's word but it was just also one of those days. After my day on campus, I came home and wanted to process where I'm at. I realized that I find myself in this place of not knowing really where I belong. California no longer is my home -- there are things I miss and love, my family and friends, the ins and outs of knowing people and being known, and just the comfortability of life BUT coming back, I realized too that Hawai'i is also not yet my "home". I'm still figuring it all out... building community, understanding ministry and my job, my calling to be here, etc. I fell back into the thoughts of why is it so hard and really what would it look like to just go back to what is easy?

Satan is soooo real and I know that he is looking to steal, kill, and destroy. But as I was reading this in John, the victory is in Jesus and He has come so that I may not just have life, but have it to the FULL. Yet, I still sit and question the goodness of God. Why? The reality is that there is an enemy and he knows exactly the doubts and fears I have and he goes right to them. I find that my biggest struggle is often with myself and I constantly need to pray through the lies of is God really good or am I worth it and do I matter to others, but more importantly to Him -- to experience His goodness?

It's hard. I need to be okay with that. I need to accept that. Ultimately, I need to hold on to the promises of God even when they seem so far away. As I got to process through this with Amanda, an amazing sister from church, I realized that hardships come and because of that, they stretch me in my faith and trust. I know that I don't have it as hard as others do, that the sacrifice I make is sooooo insignificant, BUT I also need to wrestle through these things.

Driving home tonight, I decided to pull up some older music I had and came across The Call by Anointed. Sometimes, I don't know if I can do this and it seems like there's an easier way, yet, I know that what I am doing means laying down my all for the sake of the call.

Wow -- this was really, really long which means if I blog more often, maybe they'd be shorter. :) In any case, I feel like this next season really means trusting in the goodness of God and sometimes that is hard. Psalm 27:13 says "I will remain confident in this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." I pray that this would be true for me in this next season of my life as I am desiring to grow and to be used by Him even when sometimes it's hard to believe that.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsZ4v31vovo